28 lies women tell themselves to remain in toxic relationships


There are many women remain in relationships, even toxic ones, for all the wrong reasons. Although the most common are listed below, I wouldn’t be surprised if some other bizarre excuses circle around the globe.

1.  I’m afraid of being alone. Women who are afraid of being alone usually have prior issues they need to resolve in order to learn how to be happy living and depending on someone else. My advice is to seek those answers.

2.  I’m afraid of others seeing me as a failure. We all fail so many times in life and in many different ways, why not fail in something that is not making us happy and may even endanger us?

3.  I’m too fat, or too ugly: Seriously? There is someone for everyone if you WANT IT!

4.  No one else would love me: Again, seriously? We are all worthy of love from someone. The real question here is, do you love yourself enough not to allow someone to treat you like dirt?

5.  I can’t afford living alone. If there is a will, there is a way. When I lived alone even as a single mom, I always managed to have a modest apartment, a decent car, and food on the table. It can happen, you just have to want it badly enough.

6.  I have to stay for the children. You may be doing your children more harm than by staying than leaving. In my own life, I have a sibling who after experiencing many years of domestic abuse from his father toward him and his mother, is himself a wife beater and a bad father.

7.  I have no where else to go. I’m sure that if you think hard, you’ll find somewhere to go. Even if it’s a temporary shelter. That may not be ideal, but I’m hoping that by then, your instinct to survive has kicked in, and you are planning your departure from there.

8.  I’m too old. OK, I’ve thought of this, sadly. However, once I learned to love and value myself, it became easier to accept the fact that living alone when I’m old is not so bad.

9.  He will change: Most of the they don’t, and if they do, it may be temporary.

10.  It will eventually get better. I usually doesn’t.

11.  I’ll regret it. The only thing you will regret is not leaving sooner.

12.  My family will be disappointed. So what? They don’t have to put up with him.

13.  He won’t let me go. He will if you take legal action.

14.  I don’t know what to do without him. It’s hard for me to believe anyone could be that hopeless.

15.  I don’t want to date again. You don’t have to, but I’m sure you don’t mean that forever…

16.  I may lose everything I have. That’s possible, but isn’t safety for you and your children and your peace of mind worth more?

17.  I don’t want to start over. What’s wrong with starting over?

18.  He may hurt me. He may try. And I hope this doesn’t happen. Get information about resources available to you for you to protect yourself and your children. Have faith, and surround yourself with people who will be there for you. It’s not healthy to stay because of fear. Seek help! There’s help out there if you allow it.

19.  He may take my children away. He may try, but know you have what it takes to fight back. It’s very difficult for a man to prove a mother is unfit unless she is truly unfit.

20.  Better to stay with the one I know than the one I don’t.  That’s just dumb.

21.  It could be worse. Yes, but it also could be better. How are you going to find out if you stay?

22.  I got married for better or for worse. Don’t use this marriage vow to continue to succumb to abuse.

23.  God will punish me. I’m not sure about that. I don’t think God wants you to be someones victim.

24. He will be lost without me. He won’t!

25.  I feel guilty. This is a big one, and I’m going to spend a bit more time on this. Guilt is a crutch, one that causes you to remain in situations you should not be in. Guilt is something that in my opinion requires professional help. Please seek help if this is happening to you. Guilt can lead to personal destruction and merits careful attention.

26.  That’s the way things are. You may be in a generational pattern of abuse. This often happens. Many women tend to choose abusive partners if they come from an abusive home. Again, if this is you, seek help. This is a pattern that needs careful attention in order for it to be broken.

27.  I don’t deserve better. Do you think that little of yourself? If you suffer from low self-esteem, again, seek help. Help can come in any forms. I’ve read many self-help books on the subject matter that have been better for me than any counseling session. Email me for suggestions.

28.  It’s the best I can do. No. You can do better. You just have to want to.

Abuse is not OK. And remaining in an abusive relationship is hard for you and your children. Even without children, it’s just not OK. Do whatever it takes to get out. Today, there are many resources available to women in abusive relationships. Don’t let another day go by.

And to those women who are not abused physically or verbally, I want to let you know that abuse comes in different forms. It could be a manipulative, controlling partner whose narcissistic and arrogant ways are keeping you from becoming the women you are meant to be.

Know that you are not alone, you are beautiful, smart, and tenacious. You just have to believe that you are. Is that so hard? I know you can do it. Email me your success story so I can celebrate with you.

I’m going to recommend a book, Sticky Girls by May Woodworth. It explains with much sensitivity and compassion why women remain with toxic partners. If you are in any of the situations listed above, please pick up a copy today.


Rosa Talavera

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