Five things you must do following a breakup from a long-term relationship

Relationships are hard and you constantly have to work at them, that is when a relationship is worth the extra effort. However, there are times when even the best of efforts cannot salvage something that’s been long gone. When you’ve reached that point, whether it was you the one who decided to end the relationship or not, you have a long road to emotional recovery among other things, to deal with. In my personal experience and in counseling of others, here are five things I feel you must do immediately after the breakup:

Get your living situation situated. If you lived together and you’re the one moving out, make sure you have a clear direction as to where you’re going. Moving out and getting your own place after living with someone for a while are both very difficult situations. Make sure you can afford a place and if not, you may have to live with someone until you find a roommate.

End all communications with him. The more you continue to communicate with him, the longer and harder it will be for you to let go and move on. If you are seriously done, you know the relationship is over and not good for you, do not continue to torture yourself. Ongoing conversations after breaking up only lead to additional pain, anger, and confusion. If your goal is to move on as quickly as you can, you don’t need that additional stress. If you’ve said it all the first time, there’s nothing else to talk about.

Start visualizing yourself outside of the relationship and entering a new exciting chapter in your life. The sooner you start changing your thoughts about how your life was and start seeing yourself in your new life, the sooner you will start feeling like your new self.

Start making new friends, go out, have fun, and do something you enjoy. Do your best to keep busy in order for you not to think about, or regret anything. Surround yourself with positivity. With people who are going to bring joy and laughter to your life. Avoid activities you enjoyed together. There’s not time like the present to start something new. Join clubs, get a new hobby, listen to bad music really loudly when you’re alone, and if there’s no one around to hang out with, sit at the bar and enjoy your favorite drink. There’s always a chatty bartender who’s eager to meet interesting people like you.

Date casually, but don’t get into another relationship for at least a year, or when you feel you are ready. When I divorced, I knew I would not be a good partner for anyone because I needed to take care of myself first. I to learn to become a different person because after being married for 13 years, I was not the single self I was before I was married, and was not a wife anymore. Who was I then? It took some time for me to figure it out. But once I did, the new me that emerged from the ashes was even better that I could have ever imagined. I became smarter about dating, once I saw red flags (and we all see them and chose to ignore them), I would walk away. I became more confident, secure, and happy.

Getting over a significant relationship takes time and great effort but you will get through it. Seek help if needed. I’m blessed to have a sister who is not only my best friend but my shrink too! Literally, she has a Ph.D. in Psychology. Other times, I did visit a provider. Good luck, be blessed, but most of all, be HAPPY!

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