Caring for elderly parents from a distance can be deeply challenging. My mother currently lives in Puerto Rico while I’m in Colorado, and staying involved in her care requires more than phone calls or video chats.
Since my father passed away twelve years ago, my 79-year-old mother has continued living in the home where I grew up, along with my brother and sister. Over time, her health has declined. Due to chronic COPD, she now depends on a nebulizer multiple times a week for relief. These changes have brought depression, anxiety, isolation, and bitterness into her daily life.
My siblings care for her and manage most day-to-day needs, but they also have jobs and responsibilities of their own. Even the simplest situations can create tension—usually around who is responsible and when. It is becoming more evident that she may no longer be able to live on her own, yet she does not wish to live with her children. So where do we go from here?
Below are supportive ways to stay involved and help ease the burden on everyone—especially when you live far away:
Ways to Support Elderly Parents from Afar
- Communicate clearly about when you can help. Let them and your family know the days or times you’re available to assist with calls, documents, appointments, or emotional support.
- Ensure they have essential supplies. Medications, groceries, and household items should be accessible so they can live comfortably and safely.
- Check in frequently, even briefly. A short call or message can remind them they are seen, valued, and not alone.
- Consider tools that make life easier or safer. My mother uses a portable caddy on wheels next to her bed. Inside are items she needs most: her nebulizer supplies, a meditation kit, her inhaler, a Bible, and a flashlight. This reduces the risk of falls and helps her stay independent.
- Help manage appointments and communication. Use a shared calendar or family chat to document doctor visits, schedules, and instructions. Many elderly parents may struggle to remember medical details.
- Discuss responsibilities regularly with family. Open communication helps avoid burnout, resentment, and misunderstandings.
- Practice patience and compassion. Many elderly people experience frustration due to declining health, loss of independence, or fear. Responding with kindness—while setting healthy boundaries—helps everyone.
- Remind them they are loved. Even when surrounded by family, elderly parents may feel alone or hopeless. While compassion is important, caring for yourself is equally necessary. Loving someone does not mean tolerating mistreatment.
Caring for an elderly parent is not a simple task. The responsibility should never fall on just one person, as doing so can lead to emotional exhaustion, conflict, and resentment among siblings. During this season of life, we all need patience, empathy, and gentleness.
There is only one life, and we honor our parents by helping them transition into the next stage with dignity, peace, and comfort.
Because I live far away, I have deep respect for my siblings who shoulder most of the daily challenges. My responsibility is to support them however I can—staying involved, offering solutions, visiting when possible, and showing up for family discussions. This keeps me informed, allows me to contribute meaningfully, and ensures my mother receives the care she deserves.